McMansions, Voter Turnout, and Why Is Crestwood Still a Thing?
[Sound of something falling] Ow. Crap. Is this thing on? Whatever. It’s… what day is it? Who cares. It’s me. Again. Can’t sleep. Elections. Houses. Everything’s a blur.
Neighborhoods That Might Not Even Exist Anymore
Okay, so Roanoke. Is that… is that even real? Or did I make it up? It’s like… you know when you’re a kid and you have an imaginary friend? Yeah, but it’s a whole neighborhood. And now it’s voting. I think. Do neighborhoods vote? Is that a thing now? And then there’s… [long pause] what was I saying? Oh! Westport. More like “West-I-can’t-even-port” right now. It’s like… it’s like if politics and real estate had a baby, and that baby was really ugly. Sorry, Westport. I still love you. I think.
Artsy Fartsy Political Nightmare
Crossroads Arts District. More like Crossroads of My Sanity. Are we selling houses or voting booths there now? Both? Neither? I’ve lost the plot. Maybe I’ll just start selling voting booths. Is that legal? Probably not. Don’t quote me on that. Oh, and Quality Hill. Quality of what? My migraine? Stellar. Top-notch. Gold star.
I’ve Lost The Plot (And Maybe My Mind)
Elections. Houses. Voters living in houses. Houses full of voters. It’s all the same now. Maybe I’ll just start selling cardboard boxes. “Great starter home, newly elected, fantastic school district for learning about democracy.” Is it normal to forget what a property line is? Asking for a friend. The friend is me. I’m the friend. I need… something. Sleep? Coffee? A time machine to go back and choose a different career? Maybe I’ll become a… what’s a job that doesn’t involve buildings or voting? Professional cloud watcher? Is that a thing? If anyone needs me, I’ll be… somewhere. Probably. Unless I’ve turned into a voting booth. Can people turn into voting booths? I feel like I’m turning into a voting booth. I’m going to bed. Or to stare at the wall and try to remember if houses have always had doors or if that’s a new election thing. Same thing, right? [Unintelligible mumbling fades out]
